Severus Snapes' Guide to Hogwarts
by Vanyaria Darkshadow
Summary: Read Severus Snape's debut book and see Hogwarts in a whole new light. . . Warning: Contains sarcasm, bitterness, and Trademark Snape Wit. (Reformatted for easier reading!)
1. Introduction

**Severus Snapes' Guide to Hogwarts.**  
  
Introduction.

  
  
Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry was founded over a thousand years ago by four great wizards - Salazar Slytherin, Godric Gryffindor, Helga Hufflepuff and Rowena Ravenclaw. This school has gathered many traditions over the years it has been running, and has produced some of the greatest wizards and witches this world has seen. Unfortunately not all students at who attend will achieve greatness, and the school is teaming with pathetic unachievers, united by their common goal to not learn anything.  
  
While the school is principally an institute of learning, it is also a place where one can meet lifelong friends, and develop other skills - some useful, others not-so-useful. Inter-house activities are a traditional way of developing competitive spirits, not to mention deep hostility and rivalry between houses. Quidditch is also a highlight for many students, who either enjoy being attacked by homicidal balls 50 feet above the ground, or who enjoy watching other people being attacked by homicidal balls 50 feet above the ground.  
  
I, Severus Snape, shall now guide you through the halls of Hogwarts as I see them. I hope this book will enable you to look at this school from a different, enlightened viewpoint, and will help prepare new teachers to the many years ahead of them in this institution. It will arm you with knowledge that before now was only available to those willing to discover them for themselves. Forewarned with the information in this handy travel- sized book, you can be sure that you are prepared for your new life as a teacher at Hogwarts.Disclaimer:  
  
This book has been written with the sole purpose of acquainting new teachers to the REAL side of Hogwarts. It is a very informative book and covers many principal areas of the school. Please note, however, that it does not gloss over the unpleasant aspects, nor does it leave anything to your imagination. Professor Severus Snape takes no responsibility for any second thoughts you have about taking up a teaching position here after reading this book. 


	2. Chapter 1 The Staff Members

**

* * *

Severus Snape's Guide to Hogwarts**

Chapter One - Staff Members

As a Hogwarts teacher, you will be working with many skilled witches and witches; many not-so-skilled wizards and witches; and several wizards and witches who wouldn't be able to charm themselves out of a paper bag, let alone teach a subject competently. Unfortunately, social interaction with the other staff members simply cannot be avoided all the time, no matter how reclusive you are, so it is a wise idea to know what you are getting into before you brave the social scene of the Hogwarts staff room. This chapter gives a brief summarisation of each staff member currently working at Hogwarts, and several past teachers, because sometimes first impressions are completely erroneous. I doubt that you will want to end up talking to the staff member everyone else avoids, for reasons obvious to you three hours after everyone else has gone to bed and you are still listening to their fatuous anecdotes.

* * *

The Teachers. Albus Dumbledore - _Headmaster. _

Very eccentric, but can be brilliant when wants to be. Acclaimed to be the most powerful wizard in the world, and only one He-who-shall-not-be-named fears. Rather mysterious, knows a lot more than he lets on.

Professor McGonagall - _Deputy Headmaster, Head of Gryffindor, Transfiguration._

Very strict - does not stand for rule breaking and has been known to take large amounts of points off her own house. Try not to get on her bad side, or you will remain under her close watch.

Professor Flitwick - _Head of Ravenclaw, Charms._

Shortest staff member - is in fact shorter than most of the students. Quite smart, but is literally overlooked most of the time. Also gets thoroughly over-excited meeting new people.

Professor Sprout - _Head of Hufflepuff,_ _Herbology._

Skilled in her area of teaching, but apparently never learnt to use soap and water. A true Hufflepuff, Sprout will want to take you under her wing, but she is best kept at arms' length unless you are proficient in cleansing charms.

Professor Binns - _History of Magic. _

Without a doubt, the most tediously boring staff member. Only staff to be a ghost - his droning quite possibly bored him to death. Avoid engaging in conversation at all costs, unless you too wish to become a ghost.

Rubeus Hagrid - _Care of Magical Creatures, Keeper of Keys and Grounds._

Notoriously bad at choosing suitable animals to study - has difficulty determining difference between safe and deadly. Is alarmingly vast in size, owing to the fact he is a half-giant. Can become very emotional.

Madam Hooch - _Flying, __Quidditch and Broom Safety._

Has one-track mind. Thinks if it's not Quidditch related, then it's not worth talking about. Consequently conversations can become rather tedious rather quickly. Classes tend to have high casualty rate, but no-ones' died yet.

Professor Sinistra - _Astronomy. _

Very rarely seen about during the day as has become virtually nocturnal. Suspect uses telescopes for spying on more than stars.

Professor Trelawney - _Divination._

Absolute dingbat. Total real predictions: 2. Favourite getting-to-know-you game: predicting your death. Is rarely seen out of classroom, as does not like to "cloud her inner eye". Another one to avoid conversation with at all costs.

Professor Vector - _Arithmancy. _

Thinks she had everyone's number. Spends so much time doing number magic is slightly cross-eyed.

* * *

The Defence Against the Dark Arts Teachers.  
  
Dumbledore is infamous for his choices for the position of Defence Against the Dark Arts teachers. Rumours around the school allege that the position is cursed, as none of the teachers have lasted in the position for more than a year for quite awhile now. This, of course, is absolute nonsense, however we have yet to see a teacher competent enough to remain teaching here for more than a year, consequently quelling those rumours. Naturally there are competent applicants for the job, but Dumbledore is particularly stubborn in his quest to not hire him. The following five were his most disastrous choices to date.  
  
_Professor Quirrel._

Stuttering Idiot, who turned out to be hiding He-who- shall-not-be-named. . . on the back of his head.

Reason for leaving: Died after He-who-shall-not-be-named left his body.

_Professor Lockhart._

Conceited fool and complete imbecile, who didn't know first thing about subject.

Reason for leaving: Erased own memory.

_Professor Lupin._

Only teacher at Hogwarts capable of eating a dozen students in one night.

Reason for leaving: Secret life as werewolf accidentally made public knowledge.

_Professor Moody._

Completely insane and paranoid. Only teacher to have spent most of school year in own trunk.

Reason for leaving: Never really started.

_Professor Umbridge._

Personality like chocolate flavoured poison. Too blinded by her love of the Ministry of Magic and hideous floral patterns to see the truth. Was only granted this position because of a certain Headmaster's stubborness to hire a worthy teacher.

Reason for leaving: Embarrassed by own stupidity/overthrown by justice/had bad experience in Forbidden Forest. Take your pick.

Let us just hope that next time Dumbledore will come to his senses and bestow this teaching position on a worthy candidate.

* * *

Other Staff Members.  
  
Argus Filch - _Caretaker._

Notoriously bitter squib. Knows castles secret passages better than any other staff member, and most students. Owns a mangy cat, Mrs. Norris, whom students also despise.

Madame Pomfrey - _School Nurse._

Very matronly - gets angry if patients disturbed and frowns upon more dangerous aspects of Hogwarts, including Quidditch, the tri-wizard tournament and school feasts.

Madam Pince - _Librarian._

Knows every book in the library. Pet peeves: Anyone talking a decibel above a whisper, food in the library, forged notes, overdue books and students trying to get into the restricted section without a note.

* * *

Of course, there is one more teacher at Hogwarts whom I have not mentioned yet - myself. I am the only sane teacher at Hogwarts, however, I would rather if you would not talk to me about your menial problems. Get an owl OR a cat OR a toad.

* * *

Armed with this information, you can now make educated decisions with whom you choose to socialise with. There is no doubt that eventually you will have to interact with all of the staff at one time or another, however, as you have been forewarned to each individuals outlandish personality, you can decide how best to redress the situation. 


	3. Chapter 2 The Students

**Severus Snape's Guide to Hogwarts**

Chapter Two - The Students of Hogwarts.

  
  
Students are, perhaps, the most inauspicious part of being a teacher. However, one cannot be a teacher if one has no students to teach. Consequently, the most efficient way of teaching a class is to keep one step ahead of them at all times. To do this, you must delve into their subconscious minds, and understand exactly how they work. Not only does this give you the advantage of knowing what they will do before they attempt it, you can also prepare effective disciplinary measures beforehand. This chapter gives prospective teachers an insight into the minds of each year level. I have also categorised students into general stereotypes prevalent in the school. I will teach you how to recognise them, where to find them, and how to deal with them

* * *

Year levels.  
  
_First years_ - Most easily intimidated and manipulated. This is the moulding year, in which you can sculpt them into what you want them to be in the future years. Always keep in mind that you have six more years teaching them - do not give them an inch, or they will take a mile, your dignity and any chance you might have of teaching them anything worthwhile in the future.  
  
_Second years_ - Most accident-prone, as are not as cautious and eager to please as in first year. They are much more confident than firsts, and they believe they have seen everything and done everything the year before. Keep them on their toes with new punishments, and hard work - remind them at all times who is in charge.  
  
_Third years_ - Most noisy and disruptive. Very little surprises the third years, as if they have not seen it, by now they will have probably heard about it. This makes them less attentive in class, and more interested in making things "exciting". Punishment should be strict, hard, painful and often, to wear them out.  
  
_Fourth years_ - Most cocky and deceitful. Well on their way into adolescence, fourth years are exhibitionists, constantly on show for the opposite sex. By this age, they are proficient liars, and no excuses should be permitted. Punishment should be embarrassing, humbling and preferably in front of an audience.  
  
_Fifth years_ - Most likely to fail. The importance of O.W.L's (Ordinary Wizarding Levels) is quite often lost on fifth years, who continue to caper around like preschoolers. Make sure that work given is taxing and overcompensating for the past four years of mucking around. Punishments should include, but should by no means be limited to, extra homework, oppressive manual labour, and complex mind games.  
  
_Sixth years_ - Most raging hormones and idiotic stunts. With O.W.L's over and done with, the eyes and attentions of the sixth years turn overtly toward the opposite sex. With students engaging in many idiotic stunts in the hopes of catching their cherished ones' eye - not to mention the copious amounts of love potions gone wrong - the sixth years have a rather high casualty rate. Punishments should preferably be made into public spectacles.  
  
_Seventh years_ - Most studious when realise have not learnt anything in past 6 years. Punishments should remind them how stupid they are, and how much of both your and their time they have wasted. Any revenge you have been putting off should be dealt with now, as this will be your last chance.

* * *

Stereotypes.  
  
_The Heroes._  
  
The most conceited and big-headed in school, the Heroes are often raised high above their positions, and consequently let a lot of people down when they fall short of expectations. - Most likely found: in Gryffindor; surrounded by blindly adoring fans and tag-alongs (see below). - Best punishment: something humiliating and humbling - preferably in full view of admirers.  
  
_The Tag-Alongs._  
  
The tag-alongs are the students who are most likely to never develop a personality of their own. They befriend the Heroes and are often ignored by anyone else. - Most likely found: near Hero (see above). - Best punishment: anything without Hero.  
  
_The Jocks._  
  
Jocks are most likely to be incapable of any conversation other than Quidditch, and are therefore unlikely to achieve well in class, unless their sporting career is jeopardised by this. - Most likely found: on the Quidditch pitch. - Best punishment: ban from all sports-related activities.  
  
_The "Intellectuals"/Brown-nosers.  
_  
Some of the most annoying students in the school are in this category, because they expect their hard work to be acknowledged and appreciated by teachers. - Most likely found: in library. - Best punishment: fail next assignment  
  
_Troublemakers/Attention seekers._

Usually to cover up their own stupidity, troublemakers are most likely not to listen during class while plotting new ways to disrupt. - Most likely found: in detention. - Best punishment: energy sapping and isolated from other students.  
  
_The Idiots._  
  
These students undoubtably went for a walk, got lost, and ended up at Hogwarts quite by accident. They are most likely to fail, most likely to set others on fire, and most likely to set themselves on fire. - Most likely found: in tears, or in hospital wing. Usually both. - Best punishment: hard and often.  
  
_The Squealer/Tattle-tale/Snitch_  
  
These students are most likely to have an inferiority complex, and will remain bitter towards Heroes (see above) for life. - Most likely found: spying, plotting and scheming. - Best punishment: with Hero.  
  
not to be confused with Quidditch term.  
  
_Prefects and Head students._  
  
Usually the promoted form of "Intellectuals"/Brown-nosers, Prefects and Head students are glorified suck- ups and are just as needy for teacher approval. - Most likely found: disciplining fellow peers, also have power to take points off them. - Best punishment: something illegal that will preferably damage their chances of gaining high-power jobs.

* * *

Students can be the most strenuous part of a teaching job, however with enough hard work and carefully chosen punishments, they can be intimidated into slightly better behaved people. This is only a basic overview of the general Hogwarts student body however, and should be used only as a stepping stone to greater understanding - each individual student has their own weaknesses, and with years of practise and careful observation, you will be able to exploit these to their full potential.


	4. Chapter 3 The Houses

**Severus Snape's Guide to Hogwarts.**

Chapter Four - The School Houses.

There are many traditions at Hogwarts, most of them revolving around the schools four houses - Slytherin, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Gryffindor. Each student is sorted into a house, and remains in that house until they leave school - however, most people consider themselves to still belong to that house for the rest of their life. Each house has it's own official colours, animal, crest, and ghost (though only God know what the point of that is). In this chapter, you will find out more about each of these very different houses, the students within them, and the standards each house strives to uphold. You will also learn about the process of sorting, and some of the schools inter-house events.

* * *

The Houses.  
  
_Slytherin_ - Named after the great Salazar Slytherin; head of house is yours truly, Professor Severus Snape. The official house colours are green and silver, their animal is the snake and their ghost is the Bloody Baron. One of the most famous Slytherins' is He-who-shall-not-be-named himself, and he indeed fit the Slytherin mould perfectly. The Slytherin house members are the most ambitious of the school, and contrary to popular belief, are not placed in the house because of their evil intent. Slytherin is greatly accepted by the wise to be the house of people who will become eminent, and leave Hogwarts to achieve great things.  
  
_Ravenclaw_ - Named after Rowena Ravenclaw; head of house is Professor Flitwick. The official house colours are blue and bronze, their animal is the eagle and their ghost is the Grey Lady. Ravenclaw is the home to the Hogwarts students whose intellectual prowess suppresses their more useful skills. The Ravenclaws rarely achieve any renown outside the classroom, and leave Hogwarts to acquire the fatuously intellectual jobs that no one else wants. Their motto is read hard, think hard, study hard - an aphorism which greatly sums up their existences.  
  
_Hufflepuff_ - Named after Helga Hufflepuff; head of house is Professor Sprout. The official house colours are yellow and black, their animal is the badger and their ghost is the Fat Friar. Hufflepuff is the house where the hardworking, friendly people dwell. They believe that the best rewards come from hard work, and are more than willing to sacrifice themselves for another witch or wizard. The Hufflepuffs have yet to disprove common belief that they are the house for the woolly-headed students. Hufflepuffs go on to laborious and menial jobs, but will make a lot of friends, or at least think they do. Students from this house will generally live long, industrious, but rather dull lives.  
  
_Gryffindor_ - Named after Godric Gryffindor; head of house is Professor McGonagall. The official house colours are red and gold, their animal is the lion and their ghost is Sir Nicholas De Mimsy-Porpington (aka Nearly Headless Nick). The Gryffindor house is well known for it's bravery, chivalry and stupidity. The students in this house act before they think, if indeed they do think at all. The most highly-overrated house, Gryffindor is for the defiant students of the Hogwarts community. Gryffindors choose jobs anyone with common sense would normally avoid - their fetish for danger having more importance to them than their lives. Students in this house often live short lives, ended abruptly through their own foolishness.

* * *

The Sorting Hat Ceremony  
  
The Sorting Hat Ceremony has been around for almost as long as Hogwarts has, and is one of the first impressions a new student gets when they arrive. The Sorting Hat (of which the ceremony takes it's name) is over 1000 years old, and once belonged to Godric Gryffindor. It allegedly contains part of each of the founders brains, and is the unbiased student distributor. The famous hat sees more than what everyone else sees, for it looks into both the mind and heart of the wearer, and judges which qualities the witch or wizard possesses in the most prodigality, or as the case may be for some houses, what talents they lack.  
  
The Ceremony takes place before the welcoming feast each year on September the 1st. Students are called one by one to try on the sorting hat, which then decides the fate of said student, in front of the entire school. Needless to say, it is a nerve-wreaking experience for the bravest of them, and a delight the more antagonistic teachers. For a teacher to make a student more nervous on any date after their sorting, is a illustrious achievement.

* * *

The House Cup.  
  
House points are awarded to each house for their students accomplishments and good behaviour, and are deducted from the houses for students misconduct. There are many opportunities for students to win and lose points, however, they should not be given out willy-nilly. A sensible teacher will save the points system for truly deserved rewards or punishments. The most spectacular displays of ignorance, misbehaviour and insubordination can in fact be wonderful opportunities for a teacher to turn a students house against them for losing 100 points. The point system is a marvellous way to favour the more deserving students, and to deflate the egos of the pretentious.  
  
At the end of the school year, the prestigious House Cup is awarded to the house with the most house points. Rivalry for the cup is particularly fierce between Slytherin and Gryffindor, Gryffindors usually resorting to last minute displays of marvel to gain the lead. Slytherin, however, still hold the record for the longest winning streak of seven years.

* * *

The Quidditch Cup.  
  
The Quidditch Cup, while not as eminent as the House Cup, is still an important part of the Hogwarts culture. Quidditch matches are fought once a fortnight between houses, and are often a highlight for the sporty, the loud and the more bloodthirsty members of the school. The top two houses then compete in the final match of the year for the Cup. Often House points are also awarded for winners of both the play-offs and the cup, and can be an easy was to boost your house standing, presuming the house team do not suddenly remember that the only thing between them and a 50 foot plunge to the ground is a thin stick, thus rendering them frozen in a state of panic.  
  
Quidditch is an excellent way of giving the less able-minded students a chance to show off, and a great opportunity for those students (and teachers) who crave a certain amount blood-sport to watch idiots on sticks dodge violent balls 50 feet in the air. No one has ever been killed playing Quidditch at Hogwarts, which I know is a disappointment for some, however each game brings the potential for broken bones, blood and unconsciousness - all surprisingly jocund crowd-pleasers.

* * *

Dividing the Hogwarts students into four separate houses enables each student to get to know others with the same talents and weaknesses as themselves. Strong bonds are formed within each house, and life-long friendships are usually made. 


	5. Chapter 4 The Classes

**Severus Snape's Guide to Hogwarts.**  
  
Chapter Five - The Subjects.

As Britain's only academy of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Hogwarts would be nothing but a boarding house for uneducated and underage witches and wizards if it was not for its fine range of subjects. Mixed among the subtly brilliant subjects are branches of magic specifically devised for the less intellectual student. There are a wide range of different and diverse subjects for students to choose from, and quite often a students personality can be easily deciphered by looking at their subject choices.

* * *

Ancient Runes.  
  
_(Option from 3rd year onwards)._ Not a class for complete dunderheads, Ancient Runes can be considered one of the harder subjects owing to the fact that it is essentially learning another language. Quite pointless unless you intend to pursue a career studying ancient magic and/or magical artefacts, but a relatively safe subject for students who have reckless wands and wandering minds.  


Arithmancy.  
  
_(Option from 3rd year onwards)._ This class is concerned with the magical properties of numbers. Once again, it is not a class for the slow student, but the lack of wand-work and lethal plants/animals/ingredients makes it safer than some other options. This subject is a prerequisite for quite a few jobs involving breaking curses and other occupations concerning number magic.

Astronomy.  
  
_(Compulsory from 1st - 5th year. Option for 6th and 7th)._ The study of the stars and planetary movements is an ancient art dating back to our earliest ancestors. To excel in this subject, students must be patient, thorough and have the ability to handle late night classes. The dedicated students of this subject often develop nicely toned thighs, but have a tendency to fall asleep during day-time subjects. It is a good background for several other subjects at Hogwarts, and is helpful lead-in to many careers.

Care of Magical Creatures.  
  
_(Option from 3rd year onwards)._ While this subject has the potential to be useful, the current status of teaching staff means that it is nothing more than a dangerous joke. A popular class among Gryffindors and other students with a fetish for danger, this subject is considered a fairly easy choice academically. When taught by a competent teacher, this subject has the capacity to be beneficial for anyone wishing to pursue a career working with Magical Beasts.

Charms.  
  
_(Compulsory from 1st - 5th year. Option for 6th and 7th)._ Most of the basic day-to-day spells are taught in the class, including such charms as levitation, silencing, cleaning and light-producing spells. Naturally, other more useless charms are taught as well, but one could argue that all the practise helps to improve spell-casting technique. Others would say they are merely a waste of time. A potentially risky class, the more absent minded students are often a hazard to their classmates and teacher - many a student ends each day in the hospital wing as a result of over-eager wands. A prerequisite for most jobs, especially those involving much wand work. Also useful for future home makers.

Defence Against the Dark Arts.  
  
_(Compulsory from 1st-5th year. Option for 6th and 7th)._ Perhaps if this class was taught by a competent teacher rather than the horrid excuses Dumbledore has hired consistently for the past 15 years, it would be a particularly useful subject. As it is, each class is merely a romp through the Dark Arts with a severely unqualified joke of a professor. We can only hope that one day in the near future Dumbledore will make an enlightened choice for this teaching position and bless Hogwarts students with a suitable instructor. Until such happy day, this subject is a complete waste of time. If taught properly, however, this subject could guide students into many career opportunities, and have the added bonus of arming them against the many perils of the Wizarding World.

Divination.  
  
_(Option from 3rd year onwards)._ Most certainly the most pathetic option available, this subject is designed with the lazy students and the gullible students in mind. Successful predictions are very rare and true seers are born that way - it is not a skill you can be taught. Nevertheless, this subject continues to enlighten the easily impressed. Will not lead to any dignified career.

Flying.  
  
_(Compulsory in 1st year)._ Taught only to first year students, this class is an attempt to tutor young witches and wizards in the correct art of broomstick travel. While you would think that any Professor teaching this subject would be well-known to the perils of leaving the earth with nothing more than a glorified tree branch underneath oneself, this class has a rather high injury count which makes one wonder why such a person was hired for the job if they cannot even cast simple cushioning charms. Nevertheless, it is a useful skill to have whether the student will use it during Quidditch, as a means of travel, or merely as another way to abuse his or her magical abilities.

Herbology.  
  
_(Compulsory from 1st-5th year. Option for 6th and 7th)._ At first glance, this subject may seem rather wishy-washy, however it can come in very useful. While the potential for injuries during this class is quite high, the emergency trips to the hospital wing has been impressively low over the past years. This subject is a prerequisite for many jobs, including Magical Plant Propagation, Healing and Potions Making.

History of Magic.  
  
_(Compulsory from 1st-5th year. Option for 6th and 7th)._ It is very rare to find a student who will excel in this subject - to fully grasp the detailed nature of this subject requires a level of patience and attention span that few Hogwarts students possess. As such, it is unlikely that Hogwarts students will learn much from their ancestors past mistakes and will go on to fight in Goblin rebellions in the future. A prerequisite for many jobs, History of Magic can be a very useful subject for the more cerebral student.

Muggle Studies.  
  
_(Option from 3rd year onwards)._ This subject rarely appeals to the students who enjoy making loud bangs and wanton wand waving which creates a pleasant learning environment for the few students who choose to take it. An interesting subject for students brought up in Wizarding households, this class fails to convey truly important information but supposedly helps to promote Muggle appreciation. A prerequisite for any job involving Muggles, Muggle Artefacts and Muggle-Wizard relations.

Potions.  
  
_(Compulsory from 1st-5th year. Option for 6th and 7th)._ Quite certainly the most unappreciated of the magical arts, Potions is a class where anything less than perfect can have disastrous results. Unfortunately for the under- appreciated Professor, this subject is compulsory for years 1 to 5. After the OWL examinations, the more pathetic students are weeded out from the select few to receive satisfyingly good results. Due to the delicately subtle nature of potion making, the sincerely wonderful potential for this subject is lost on the vast majority of students. It is a very rare occasion to find a student truly worthy of tutelage in this subject, however Dumbledore has set measures to ensure that even the most ridiculously unworthy student has five years to make as many explosions, accidents and disasters as possible. The most likely students to excel in this class are from Slytherin, whilst the other houses are usually represented by only one or two students in the 6th and 7th year classes. This subject is a prerequisite for many careers, including Healers and Aurors.

Transfiguration.  
  
_(Compulsory from 1st-5th year. Option for 6th and 7th)._ Another useful subject that has the potential for many magical accidents. Thankfully most students are cut from this class before human transfiguration is taught. While many students enjoy the wand waving and incantation reciting opportunities that this class brings, few can properly grasp the intricate technicalities of this subject. A prerequisite for various jobs, Transfiguration has the potential to lead to many worthwhile careers.

* * *

Whilst some subjects are better suited to the studious, Hogwarts certainly caters to the foolhardy idiots who also attend this fine institution - there are countless opportunities for the reckless students to injure themselves and their unfortunate classmates. Many subjects are notorious - whether for their utter pointlessness, their perilous content or their more difficult nature, however most students thankfully never survive even one year in an option that does not suit them. Unfortunately for the Professors of compulsory subjects, five years of hell is must be painfully endured before the pathetic students can be barred from the classroom - feel free to vent your anger at the system by liberally removing points from the Gryffindor student of your choice.

* * *

**A/N:** Can't get enough of Snape's writing? Why not check out his diary - http:www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1218912


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